You might wonder how a movie written by 5 writers can be bad yet soon realize that “too many chefs spoil the broth” is usually true in movie plots.

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Directed by Shake, Rattle, and Roll regular Topel Lee, the suspense thriller slasher movie stars Janella Salvador and Elmo Magalona as members of a group of friends/amateur filmmakers.

Wanting to shoot their next horror film, a group of young filmmakers decided to stay in a secluded house in the middle of nowhere. Led by their director Kiko (Elmo “Obviously Why Kiko” Magalona), the group consists of the caring Eunice (Salvador), the cabin house owner and Eunice’ BFF Olivia (Jane Oineza), Olivia’s ex Kenly (Diego Loyzaga), Kenly’s new love Marie (Sofia Andres), Kenly’s bestfriend Justin (Yves Flores), Justin’s verbal sparring mate April (Maris Racal), the group clown Gerard (Empoy Marquez), and the newest member John (Ronnie Alonte).

I’m going to tell it already. This film is bad. According to its Wikipedia page, this is supposed to be a suspense/thriller film, but there was nothing suspenseful nor thrilling at all in the entire run of the movie.

The director relied heavily on jump scares that were either too lazy and pointless (first part) or too repetitive (2nd part). Sure, you were surprised. You might have frozen from the slasher or the jump scare, but really… That’s like you laughing at a comedian because he tickled you. HOWEVER, there is this ONE scene that was amazing. When Eunice runs away from the slasher in the basement. The lack of sound, the lighting, and Salvador’s acting made it a truly suspenseful scene. If the movie had a lot more scenes like that, my perspective on the movie would definitely change.

Though I like the effort of giving almost all characters a motive to be the slasher, it was quickly dissolved after seeing the actors act… THE ACTING! The nail in the coffin for me is when the identity of the slasher was revealed. I was obviously disappointed because it was all cardboard acting after that. He/she is the most badly acted in the movie. And when you think about it, there was really no set-up (or at least a believable one) for him/her to do such actions.

Also, the predictability of the movie is almost insulting. The foreshadowing of who will survive was beyond that!

Bloody Crayons is predictable and absent of suspense and thrill. No more… This is…

GREAT GOOD BAD UGLY

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